I have done a number of workshops on forgiveness. I came up with these workshop ideas because I noticed that across the board, many of my clients had underlying resentments. These issues were preventing them from receiving what they really desired. I chose to do these workshops also because I did some extensive forgiveness work with my father. I experienced some amazing and mind-blowing results. (I will share the story with you about my father in a later post.) In this post, I am addressing forgiveness because once again I was put in the place of doing so.
Many people will admit that it can be hard to forgive a former romantic partner. I definitely can.
I was in a long-term relationship with someone who, in the end, realized that he did not want the relationship, noting that he was not ready for it. I became upset with him because I felt that he should have known this before we had been together for as long as we had been. I also was upset because, based on some of his behaviors, he seemed like he already knew that he didn’t want the relationship well before he spoke up about it. When he ended the relationship, he expressed to me that we should be friends, but I was just not ready to hear those words. This was disappointing to hear because I was expecting more to develop in the relationship itself at that time.
We had a set of mutual friends who had a habit of asking me where he was whenever they saw me. I became angry, defensive, and would fight back glaring looks as I haughtily remarked, “You know we’re not together right?” They would look at me and gently say, “But you two are friends.” I thought they were insane. This type of pattern went on for several months. I grew angrier because he seemed to be nowhere around to deal with the mess he had made.
One day I decided to seek a neutral spiritualist perspective, so I spoke with a Tarot reader about the situation. She looked at the cards and said, “You’re holding a grudge against him. You two can’t be friends if you are holding a grudge.” I was a little surprised that she said that to me (being that I am a Healer and could heal myself and others), but I knew it was true. The surprise was moreso that the grudge itself was upset because it could no longer hide in the shadows of my subconscious. I reflected on her words and the nature of the grudge.
Every time that I looked at him post-breakup, I viewed him with eyes of criticism, judgment, anger, and hurt; looking for all his faults. Before the breakup, I saw him with more clarity. I saw his spirit, appreciated his compassion, his kindness, enjoyed his talents, and admired his quest to bless many by shining his own Light. That is what I loved about him. It was not his behaviors that I loved, but him as he is. It was time to let go.
Thus, I had to begin the journey of forgiveness again. I thought to myself, “If I can forgive my dad for the abuse growing up and for not being there for me the way that I needed him to be, then I can truly forgive a guy that I have only known for a few years.” Yet I struggled. I felt as if I didn’t have to forgive him because he was the one that did something wrong. In reality, we both played a part in what happened between us. (More on that later in this post.)
What does it take to forgive? One of the most important things is the willingness to do so. Before I could get to the place of saying that I forgive him for his behaviors, I had to at least say, “I am willing to forgive you for them.”
From the willingness, grew the readiness to forgive. Once I was ready to forgive, I was able to look at the entire situation from the lenses of Love. This was not human, conditional love, but unconditional Divine Love.
I sat down, took out a sheet of paper, and wrote out all of the wrongs that I felt happened in the relationship. I wrote them vigorously with serious intention to let go. I then took out another sheet of paper and wrote out all of the things that I loved about him. Holding that loving feeling in my conscious awareness, I went back to the list of wrongs. I drew a line under them, and wrote the sentence, ‘I forgive you for…’ as I went through each item. I tore that paper up, saying out loud, “I set myself free.”
I looked back at the list of things that I loved about him. When I looked at those things again, I saw that they weren’t conditional at all; they were the Essence of who He Is. I chose to appreciate his presence in my life, even though it wasn’t in the way that I desired. He played a role that sparked me to grow as a person.
Then, a deeper knowing struck me–I needed to forgive myself for allowing things to continue in a way that I did not desire or deserve. I needed to forgive myself because I love me as well. I did the same ritual that I did for him, but for myself this time. It was insightful, yet freeing. All of those things that happened between us began to seem so small. I knew that none of it really mattered. I could see that Ultimate Love remained present through it all.
This is what I hope you take away from reading this post:
Although forgiveness may be challenging at times, it is extremely powerful when done from a place of Love. Forgiveness empowers you, sets you free, and releases the old energy tied into something that really has no power in your present life. It opens up the doorway to live more beautiful and desirable lives.
Now that I have chosen to forgive, I am ecstatic to see the beauty that is allowed to grow because of the loving space that I have created. You may do the same for yourself as well.
And so it is.