I believe that these three words can have more weight than “I love you”. For instance, I love people in general and I love my cat. Based on a previous definition I gave of love (Love…Anyone?), it is impersonal but also delightful.
Trust, on the other hand, is very personal. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines trust as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” Sounds quite personal to me. Trust can be developed, or it can already be established, depending on the situation.
Either way, it can be lost.
Someone can love another person but feel he or she cannot trust that person. Trust is a delicate gift that requires vulnerability.
In my profession of healing and transformation, the people I serve must trust me. They trust me to keep their best interests in mind. They trust me to be knowledgeable and experienced in the services I provide. They trust me to honor their sacredness and respect their privacy. Most of my clients do not say the three words out loud, but their actions and willingness in the sessions speak to this truth.
Ultimately, when you trust someone, you are allowing yourself to be in the vulnerable space of innocence and complete surrender. One of the most detrimental things that can happen in this line of work is for the healer to violate or break the trust of their client.
I could go further into this issue, but I will focus more on things you can do (as a client) to see if someone is trustworthy. These suggestions are geared towards the healing profession; however they can also be applied to personal interactions as well:
Do your research (Is the person qualified? What do others say about their experiences with the person? What skills/characteristics are you looking for?)
Listen to your gut (Intuition supersedes intellect; Do you feel safe? Do you feel heard? Do you feel respected?)
Ask questions (Get clarification on whatever you need to.)
Express yourself (Make your requests and needs known. Then refer back to number 2.)
In a society that promotes selfishness and self-centered gains, it is important for those of us in the healing profession to be selfless and genuine about providing the service the client needs.
The MOST VITAL part of any healing relationship is TRUST.
Spring 2017 is in the air, and here we are, the United States of America, with our new 45th President, Donald Trump. In these first few months of his presidency, President Trump has equally inspired and enraged many American Citizens and people across the globe with his actions.
Many people continue to express extreme fear and worry about the future of the United States of America, due to the current political climate. Several people have been reactive, uproars of events have taken place, protests were organized, and even rioting occurred. America appears to be dividing further into opposite ends of the poles. Xenophobia appears to be on the rise, and equally so, more diverse groups of people have shown solidarity. I watched in sheer curiosity as people divided themselves through bigotry, racism, religion, political beliefs, etc.
When a person allows a concept to become more powerful than his or her sense of Self, then there is a problem. I am not only referring to politics, but also to labels that people give themselves, which then have become some of the same labels that people have allowed to disempower themselves.
I have spent many months away from blogging to really go within and to stay clear and aligned with what I am here to do. Hear me clearly though; I am aware of the things that are going on with this nation, but I have not lost sight of the Truth.
I am at the space in the middle of what appears to be a divide.
Several months ago, I knew that Trump would be elected for president AND win. When it happened, I wasn’t startled or upset, or even moved by it at all. This is the beauty of seeing the Spirit of things. I have no investment for or against him or any other person who has been our President. My investment is in elevating our consciousness as human beings and laying the foundation for a harmonious world.
“In all chaos, there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” -Carl Jung, Swiss Psychiatrist.
So, just for a moment, take a step back from any biased viewpoint you may have and open your mind to this information. Let’s be objective and see things as they are…Metaphysically.
On the larger scale, President Donald Trump is doing exactly what he is meant to do in the exact way he is supposed to. Trump carries strong trailblazing energy and is the perfect vessel to push against the grain, causing many people to pay attention (whether they are for, opposed, or even indifferent). He is a catalyst. If we get honest with ourselves, we can see that ALL our other presidents were catalysts as well.
The people who we collectively put in leadership (consciously or subconsciously) are reflections of where we are and what we are transforming about our nation.
What we are experiencing is the next step in our human evolution and our spiritual awakening.
In Common Sense in 1776 Thomas Paine said, “We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” We do.
A farmer must till the soil before planting the seed. The very much alive seed remains in darkness until the right conditions are present for it to break through the soil. This situation is no different.
If you find yourself becoming upset or reactive to things happening with our political system, look within first. Something in you is getting your attention, inviting you to own the deeper power within.
Let’s get even more real…
Last time I checked, no one has any power over us but ourselves. Everything we have engaged in is because we have chosen to do so. It’s not a bad thing. Laws, rules, and regulations are in place because they have been helpful over the years. We, as humans, have agreed to these imaginary rules and what their consequences are. We, as humans, can change them…starting with our consciousness about them.
It is a beautiful thing when people join together to connect at the heart level and express themselves from this space. When people are at this level, no external example has to be constructed or forced. It is an organic process. (Just like that “something” in you that led you to keep reading this.)
Please understand: I am not against marches, protests, or demonstrations, etc. I am for unity through empowerment of each other and ourselves.Empowerment, for some, includes physical demonstration made public. For others, it is a very private, daily practice. For all, it requires the constant cycle of awareness, intention, and conscious action.
There must be a point where we begin to face the facts:
We all share this planet whether we like each other 100% or not.
Killing one group of people only leads to more killing.
Divide and conquer leads to war, classism, racism, oppression, and eventually a revolution. (By the way, “revolution” means to go in circles…again and again.)
The people who continue to be referred to as “minorities” in America are becoming “majorities”. (“Racial” lines are more blurred than we realize.)
Many religions and moral philosophies have similar core tenets, that if we followed them on a personal/introspective level (without forcing others), then we could live in harmony.
(Refer back to Fact Number 1).
I wrote this to encourage you not to get swept away in the sensationalism that gets blasted in the media frequently. Sensationalism breeds cloudy thinking and impulsive reactions. Whether you are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Jew, New Thought, Native, Black, White, Brown, Transgender, immigrant, refugee, Conservative, Liberal, or whatever else you identify with…
No matter where you are or what country you are in, we all live on one big mass that we call Earth, located in this expansiveness we call space. We need each other. That’s it.
“In all chaos, there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.”
-Carl Jung, Swiss Psychiatrist.
A cosmos is a harmonious and orderly system, and it is up to us to create it.
Communication is the most important aspect to any and every relationship. There are different types of communication: Verbal, Nonverbal, and Paraverbal. PLUS, your Energetic Space/Aura/Overall Vibe communicates to others as well.
As a counselor, coach, and speaker, I am constantly communicating. However, I too have made the mistake of misjudging or making assumptions while communicating with others (especially in my personal life). These mistakes can be costly…leading to hurt feelings, lack of depth, and even loss of the relationships.
Maybe you just celebrated Valentine’s Day or an anniversary of some sort. Good job, you’re on the right track! Now, take a step back and see what your partner, friend, coworker, etc. is communicating to you. We can dive into the different types of communication here:
Nonverbal Communication– Most of our communication is nonverbal, meaning it is not what we say, but everything else. You may have heard this before, but let’s break this down into 2 main parts of nonverbal communication.
1. Proxemics-This is a fancy word that describes how physically close the person is to you, or you to the other person. Typically, the more physical closeness indicates more intimacy (emotional, mental, physical, etc.)
2. Kinesics-This is the fancy word to describe what most people would call body language. This includes movements, gestures, and facial expressions
Paraverbal Communication– Our vocal part of speech, which is our tone, volume, and how fast or slow we talk.
I am often a fast talker. Get me excited, and I talk faster. When I work with the people I serve, I am mindful of this, and I adjust. It makes a world of difference to have an even pace and a calm tone.
The way you say something matters!
Examples: “I didn’t say you were dumb.”– Say this with an even tone. Now try this one, “I didn’t say you were DUMB.” -Emphasize the last word. If you say this out loud, you can see that one of them is not meant to insult, whereas the other may cause conflict.
Of course, the other type of communication that I will address here is…
Verbal Communication: It is the use of words to relay a message or express an idea.
This is where many of us get caught up. In the emotional tornado of a moment, we might forget to pause and use mindful communication instead of emotionally driven words.
Let’s tie this in with conflict resolution. If there is conflict, I ask that you try these two things: Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to apologize.
Just an FYI: Conflict is a natural occurrence. The term has been blown up into great proportions meaning war, fighting, and death, but in reality, conflict is a simple, and organic process. Conflict arises because there are different perspectives within the same situation or regarding the same topic. It’s just that simple. We are individuals, so by default, there will be times when we do not have the same point of view. That is the core of conflict. It has been over-sensationalized through media. (That may be for another blog).
One of the keys to facing conflict and communicating effectively is to use Mindful Communication.
7 Core Guidelines for Mindful Communication: 1. LISTEN(And appear like you are listening)-As a counselor, I have gone through several hours of training to be more present with others as they share with me. We call it active listening. You don’t have to be a therapist to actively listen. The concept is simple: Make eye contact, don’t speak-unless you are affirming or encouraging the other to continue sharing, keep your body open, LISTEN FOR FEELINGS, and SEEK to UNDERSTAND what is being said.
Mindfulness Tip for #1–Detach emotionally. Keep in mind that the person you are listening to has something that he or she needs to express. Think to yourself, “Let me be here now. There is something that this person needs to say. I am listening.”
2. REFLECT or RESTATE WHAT YOUR HEARD-Do this BEFORE you share anything about your point of view.
Sometimes this step gets lost. Unfortunately, I have been guilty of this at times. For example, if your partner says, “I worked really hard to get those things that you wanted taken care of, and you don’t appreciate it.”
Be mindful and attentive to these things about your partner: Tone of voice, Energy level, Facial expressions, and mood. Notice…how close is the person to you physically?
Before you start saying your response, do this: A) Listen for the feeling being conveyed; B) Make eye contact (non-threatening); then C) Start with a statement acknowledging what you think you heard. “I hear you saying that you don’t feel appreciated for the hard work you did for me.”
3. CLARIFY: After you restate, check in with the person to make sure you got it right. “Did I hear you correctly?”Truth of the matter is that the person will let you know what’s up and if you got it right. This part is VALUABLE. Clarifying gives you the opportunity to understand the other person. At the very basic level, we communicate in order to express ourselves and to be understood. Understanding someone does not mean that you agree with what is said. It means that you are grasping the view of another’s perspective. Once you have gained clarity, then you can share your point of view from a more accurate perspective because you are identifying the real “issue.”
Mindfulness Tip for #3–Be patient and BREATHE. Take a moment to reflect on the person’s underlying message. Do not get swept away in emotions or the person’s emotional response. Ask, with the sole intention to get clear on what the person is saying.
4. OWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, and share them: Use “I” statements instead of “You did this…”, “You make me…” etc.
Example: “When you say that I do not appreciate you, I feel hurt. I understand what you are feeling and what made you feel that way. I did not see it that way, and I was not aware of your disappointment. I have been working several extra hours each day and I feel more tired than usual.”
Mindfulness Tip for #4–Take a few calming, deep breaths and FOCUS ON YOUR HEART chakra. This is the space where you have affinity for others (and self). Speak from this place.
5. CHECK IN AGAIN AND SUMMARIZE: Allow the person to reflect back to you for clarity. (Make sure to use all the other skills mentioned above if needed.)
6. COMPROMISE/RESOLUTION: Remember the main reason for conflict? It is because different perspectives are related to the same situation. Often, there is a common ground or a space for compromise. During this step, request or offer a solution.
Example: “What would you like for me to do differently?”
Apply the skills from steps 1-5 again. Stay on the same topic! Focus only on 1 thing at this time.
Mindfulness tip for #6–BREATHE and remember that A SOLUTION IS ALREADY PRESENT
7. RE-ADDRESS the concern later on: This step might not be needed every time. However, if you and the other person aren’t able to address the issue well enough at the time it is presented, set a date to come back to it. A refreshed point of view about a conflict can make it easier to resolve.
Take these steps into consideration every time you are communicating with someone. This is the practice of mindful communication. It aids in developing healthy communication styles, preventing or resolving conflict, and developing a greater level of understanding.
Communicated with love, Dana D. Robinson (Intuitive Dana)